Restart-
11 techie and yummy gingerbread creations
Mostly edible iPhones, motherboards, laptops and of course, Google Android "Gingerbread" treats. -
Stuff tech CEOs say: 2010 edition
CEOs say the darndest things. Here are some examples. -
Apple iPhoneys: the iPhone 5 edition
Can't wait for the next Apple iPhone? Neither can these designers, marketers and iPhone addicts
A meeting with "the Bobs"
A consultant (usually named "Bob") schedules a meeting with you to discuss "how people at your company spend their day at work". Not good. Because you know what's coming next: "What would you say ya do here?"
Nickname goes from nerdy to nasty
Your nickname among the terrified and brow-beaten user community: "Last Resort", because no employee ever wants to call you for help at what they call the IT "hurt" desk.
Meet the mall cops
Your upcoming performance review looks so terrible that the HR administrator has asked Tim and Gene (the company's "friendly" security guards) to "sit in" on the meeting, "you know, just in case".
A "New" workspace
They took away your blazing-fast Dell (DELL) PC, three HD monitors, VoIP phone and grey walls of your cubicle. Your new tech setup: What appears to be a late-model Tandy 1000 residing on a faux-wood desk in the old janitor's closet.
You're cast in the land of the lost
Your tech skills are so out of date, younger IT staffers refer to you as "Barney the Dinosaur" or "Captain COBOL."
"Special Project for a Special Employee"
You're racking your brain as to why you were pulled off that strategic BI implementation and put on this special assignment: "Corporate Research Project: The Market for Our Ice-Cube Product in Antarctica."
Spy games
The digital "paper trail" that's noting your whereabouts and documenting your every interaction with superiors is so voluminous that it requires its own server.
They're just not that in to you
You walk into the room of the big "CRM Kickoff" team meeting between IT and the business side, and the VP of marketing groans and then sarcastically says, "Great, we get 'Dr. No' for this one. Good luck getting the software we actually want, guys!"
You've "branded" yourself, all right, bub
All your extra work on pumping up your "personal brand" on social media sites has, unfortunately, created an undesirable FAIL for the rest of the company: Twitter, Facebook and most every other social-media website have been added to the corporate "blocked" list, due to the "overzealous use of the websites by one company employee." Thanks, pal.
A "unique" overseas opportunity
The location of your new "globe-trotting" IT assignment, destined to put valuable multi-national experience on your resume? Afghanistan. "Have a safe flight!"
You've "branded" yourself, all right, bub
All your extra work on pumping up your "personal brand" on social media sites has, unfortunately, created an undesirable FAIL for the rest of the company: Twitter, Facebook and most every other social-media website have been added to the corporate "blocked" list, due to the "overzealous use of the websites by one company employee." Thanks, pal.
